If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
