my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
