Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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