Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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