I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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