Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
