Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
