Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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