my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
