Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
