We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
