He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
