Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
