i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
