Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
