tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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