Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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