I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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