I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
