I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
