Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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