i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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