I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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