I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
