i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
