Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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