I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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