it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
