yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
