If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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