i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
