Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
