no, he came in my armpit
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dignity is for republicans.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
