I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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