All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
