Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
