I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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