we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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