you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
