how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
