I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
