he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
