i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
