I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
