so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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