You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
