she told me i tasted like america
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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