genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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