she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
