You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this is an emotional support booty call
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
