I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
