Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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