ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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