My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
