I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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