one might say we're banned from that church
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I fill condoms, not promises.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
