I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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